Updated: Jul 8, 2018
Trying something new in parenting after years of struggling by doing it "my way".
Today begins a 7 day experiment of UNPARENTING. After 2 days of intense awareness and awakening by Dr. Shefali to the harm and shame we place on our kids with constant expectations and endless commands, Peter and I have decided to try 7 days of unparenting, unpressuring, uncommanding, unimposing all our wants, desires, wishes and redemption for our own childhood desires on our kids.
We sat down with our children and asked them what parenting meant to them and each one described a combination of needs and basic safety combined with telling, demanding, and commanding them to be a “certain” way...along with always having something for them to do... ie: clean this, pick up this, sit up, speak up, stand up and be perfect today.
As a group we agreed that we as parents we will provide all the basic necessities of life, health and safety, but we would also stop all of the pressure and continuous bombardment of do this, do that, be this and be that.
I’m my inquiry as to where love and support fit into their parenting paradigm, my son said: Mom, love is unconditional, it is not parenting”, and it blew the lid off all the old ideas I had, that they need and require my love through the nagging, insisting and pressuring of how life is supposed to be.
As a self proclaimed “ tough- mom” I saw yesterday, through my children’s bold courage to stand up in front of hundreds of people and share their sadness and pain at the hands of my constant “ wanting the best” for them and have decided how terrible would it be to try something different, something new, something better for them.
Known for my radical parenting already: why not take it to the next level and be what my kids really need- a accepting, loving, providing mother void of all the strict directions and unobtainable expectations.
So today begins the journey of seeing what a life with kids minus all the daily demands of doing everything my way, by my code from years of my own parents indoctrination and try letting them be who they are, set some of their own parameters and speak from their own hearts. Last night was one of the most blissful nights ever as I allowed them to go to sleep when they decided and not a harsh word was said, not constant insisting; the nighttime battle was dissolved for the first time in 13 years. Profound awareness of how much wasted energy bedtime takes.
So follow us as I explore in my radical and wacky parenting methods what unparenting can truly mean for me and my kids.
"Known for my radical parenting already: why not take it to the next level and be what my kids really need- a accepting, loving, providing mother void of all the strict directions and unobtainable expectations."