Updated: Jul 9, 2018
It was awesome and orgasmic, and then she started crying...WTF?
After a night of absolute passion…(the kind you dream of, write about and remember forever)…I started to cry. It was a flood of emotion that just swept over my body and brought on a stream of tears. Not the cute kind of tears that plop out of your fluttering eyelashes. No, this was the yucky kind that had my face squished up like I had just eaten a lemon. My whole body felt as if it was draining a decade of emotions, and I clung onto my man as tears ran down my cheeks in desperation. They weren’t out of sadness or any negative emotion; more from the feeling of experiencing so much that I just needed to fully release.
A woman’s body goes through a laundry list of hormonal and neurological changes during sex, and it’s possible that one of them could trigger tears, says Lori Brotto, Ph. D., a psychologist at the University of British Columbia. Some sex sessions can be so great they make us cry due to the rush of oxytocin that floods the brain post-orgasm. Sex has been known to cause happy tears, and allowed women to dive deeper into their emotions.
On the other side, Postcoital dysphoria (PCD) is the feeling of anxiety, depression, tearfulness, and even aggression after sex. In some cases, women become weepy or melancholy after orgasm, or in extreme cases, argumentative with their partner. These feelings occur even if the sexual encounter has been satisfying and enjoyable. Researchers from the Queensland University in Australia said forty-six percent of women confided they have experienced PCD after sex.
Denise Knowles, sex therapist and counsellor says: “It’s not uncommon to feel sad after sex. It’s not necessarily due to a trauma or because they’re regretful: it doesn’t have to mean anything terrible is going on.” She explained that it comes down to the explosion of hormones in the body after sex, including endorphins, oxytocin and prolactin. “Having sex is a hugely intimate act and an orgasm releases lots of wonderful feel-good bonding hormones. Those hormones drop following the peak of an orgasm, and as you separate from the closeness that brought it about, a sense of sadness can follow.”
If you are like me, and have had a few tears after an epic love-making session, know you are not alone, not strange, not ungrateful or weird… you are just allowing your body to fully experience all that comes with sharing yourself, your mind, and your spirit with the one you love. It is completely normal and if it happens often, please connect with your partner so he knows it isn’t him, his performance or he should have been different. It is something inside of you and you just need to go through.